I LOVE CAMP!!!!

Camp is the best place ever. It's truly a mountaintop experience for me.

I told Grace about scripture in 1 John 4 that says “perfect love casts out fear. . . whoever says they love God and hate their brother is a LIAR. Because if you love God, you will love your brother.” She said, “Thank you for sharing that with me, Mommy.” I didn’t say any more and gave her time to process it. Hours later, she said, “I’m a liar a lot. I’m trying really hard right now(her brother was bothering her) to not be a liar.”

Grace had trouble falling asleep and asked me to lay with her for a while. Usually I don’t have time, but I did tonight. I’m so glad. She had so many God questions-- her mind was overflowing with theology. She liked my small group that talked about forgiveness. She took a rock, told it everything she’d done that was sinful, and threw it in the ocean. She said she liked it when the teacher (counselor) said that God forgives as fast as the rock sank!! Even faster! And then, on her own, Grace asked Jesus to be her best friend forever tonight. I just about cried, I was so glad and proud and humbled that she is my little girl. And a bit surprised, too . . . .I wonder if a 6 year old can make this kind of permanent decision? Will this really set the stage for her salvation? Is this her salvation?

We also prayed that God would give her a kind, loving heart. Then she asked if God could run out of “loving hearts”. I told her no, God gives everyone a heart and builds love in each one. I told her love and kindness are things that she can build in her heart by acting kind every day.
She told me she thought she’d figured out something: God tells us bad things with nightmares, and good things with dreams. I said that God doesn’t usually send nightmares—that’s her mind’s way of thinking when she sleeps sometimes. She asked how God talks to us, then? I told her the Bible is how God talks to us. She said, “Really? So where was Jesus born? What was it like, where he grew up?”

I really needed her to go to sleep so I told her we would read about it in the morning. And to think I could have missed this amazing conversation if I hadn’t snuggled up with her in her bed for a while, at her request.

AJ, too, was speaking theologically tonight. We read a book called “God Created Me”and he actually engaged in conversation about the book, showing me the trucks and the space shuttle, which he particularly liked. He told me, “God made the train! God made the. . . (thinking Space Shuttle, struggling with how to pronounce the sssss). . . .Daddy’s Work! God made Daddy’s Work! And God made the stars!”

I answered, “Yes, and God made Grace and God made mommy and God made AJ!”

He said, “God didn’t make AJ!”

“Who did make AJ, then?”

Long pause. . .giggle.. . “Gracie!”

Tonight was commitment night, and my 11 tweens, ages 11-13, with a 15 year old thrown in the mix for fun, are a typical group. Giggly, talkative, girls, a sensitive, thoughtful young man, the boy who is in a band called “Ever Since November” and always volunteers to pray and who contributes meaningfully to the group discussion, the silent boys, and an ADHDer from the Children’s Home. . . They have awesome questions. The first night alone I was hit with:

“Was there heaven before Jesus? In the Old testament? Because he hadn’t been born or died yet, so how could people be saved?”

“Are all the books of the Bible named after the author? Who was Psalms?”

“Is it okay to have friends who are not Christians?”

“Do you think people who don’t believe in Jesus really go to hell?”

Along with comments such as:
“I don’t think I’d wash Jesus’ feet with my hair. It would depend on how dirty his feet were. And how badly I’d sinned.”

And then tonight:

“I didn’t recommit because I’ve done it every year. It seems like just going through the motions, don’t you think?”

“Do you think God made more than just us? Like, on other planets? (meaning intelligent life. . .) Because I’ve seen some really weird lights in the field near where I used to live.”

Being at camp makes me miss full time ministry. It’s such a high. I don’t think I should place my children in full time child care just so I can follow the highs, but oh, it’s tempting. I miss the teenagers, I miss working with Christian leaders, I miss planning curriculum and events and building relationships with the purpose of introducing others to Jesus. I miss it I miss it I miss it. But I cannot serve two masters. And my family is my master. Terry would support me in full time ministry, and I believe that God will protect my children and give them what they need when I follow Him. But I suspect that following Him means raising my babies and holding on to this dream until further notice.

Interestingly, one of my former youth group members—my favorite student, to be honest—is on team for her third consecutive summer. I’m so proud of her. I knew there was something sensitive and deep and gifted about her, and I’m thrilled that she is serving God and others in this way. I have prayed for her over the past 5 years and wondered who she had become. To see the woman God has created in her creates such awe for me. I think I’m actually speechless.