I had big plans today.

Unfortunately, I got a little sidetracked. I intended to set up an appointment for the van to get new tires (wait, just did that, instead of writing about it, I picked up the phone! Go me! ); pick up some yarn to crochet something for a friend's baby shower; actually begin the project for my friend; straighten up the living room; clean the kitchen; buy a mop (AJ tried to mop the snow and broke it outside); deposit our check that finally arrived for the tenants' last month payment on our stupid FL house. . . . . and I've done none of it. Except calling for the van.

Instead, I called a friend to talk about a conversation that occurred Saturday night. I have strong feelings regarding interventions during birth and labor, and another friend is planning an induction for medical reasons. I don't necessarily agree, but I do understand where she is coming from. And let's face it, it's HER body and her labor, not mine. I had just hoped to ask questions that I wished someone had asked me when I was pregnant with Grace. I felt that I had spoken more abrasively and judgmentally than I had intended.

So I called Friend #1 to ask her opinion. She thought I was probably fine and that Friend #2 (wow, I have 2 friends in UTAH!!!) wouldn't take it negatively at all. I ended up bursting into tears (to my horror) on the phone and talking about how out of place I feel here. I feel so often that I'm putting my foot in my mouth and thinking later, "I shouldn't have said that." Because these are people who do not know me well, and I don't know them well. Instead of being quiet, I feel uncomfortable and talk all the more to mask that. Then I think later, "I think I dominated that conversation." Or, "Why did you say THAT?" etc. etc. My friend said that she felt that way her first year here, too. I was relieved to hear that I'm not the only one. I Just miss my FL friends so much--most of us became friends when our firstborn children were newborns--or before. We've grown so close, and I miss that intimacy. I forget sometimes that I can't share at the same level here that I did with my long-time friends.

Anyhow, I called Friend #2 to apologize for putting her on the defensive. She was very gracious, and said she understood where I was coming from. And that she hoped she hadn't been too defensive. I told her that I understand her reasoning and would never judge her for that. She said it was funny that I called, because another girl who had been a part of our conversation had called her yesterday to apologize for the same thing!!!!! So we're still friends. And I'm glad.

And now I'd love a nap. But it's not going to happen. :) Maybe I'll straighten the living room, now that I got all of this out.