Competition Nerves

So our church is having an "Alpine Preview" (read: Audition) for their band. I mentioned it in my keyboard post. I've been practicing and have felt fairly confident. I've recorded myself playing and have been surprised that I sounded better than I realized. I've been playing along with the band on the CD and feel like I'm getting the hang of the guitar "riffs" (is that the word?)  I'm even exploring comping a little bit, rather than melody line or just chords!

So today the worship leader emailed a schedule for who is auditioning at what time, and the list is very long. I recognized some names on there, which is cool, and also looked for who else might be a keyboard player. I saw one person's name and I highly suspect (in other words, I don't really know) that she is a pianist. Probably of the classical persuasion, and probably very good. Do you read all the probably and suspects? Why do I allow that to screw me?

So I all of a sudden am very nervous, realizing the high interest in this band. My nerves are shot. And from experience, I know that I can play a piece very well, for instance accompanying a choir, in private. When I have an audience, I fall completely apart. I can't stand the pressure. I've been so excited about this, and now I'm just terrified. I don't want to embarrass myself or disappoint certain people with high expectations. Is this Satan sneaking in and telling me I'm not good enough, never will be?? Gosh, is that a familiar voice.  How do I overcome this? I'm going to just keep handing it to Jesus. And practicing.

And the truth is, I really just want to serve God. Yes, I'm excited about the prospects of playing piano again and yes, I will feel a bit proud if the band wants me. And yes, I'll be hurt if I can't be used in this manner. But from a "kingdom" viewpoint, there are so many paths I can take to serve God. And if I ultimately can't be used to lead worship with a keyboard, I can still sing on Sunday mornings with my whole heart. Because worship is a life-style, not just a musical.