How long?

Yesterday in church our pastor touched on something that I've suspected for a while. We're studying the book of Habakkuk, and learning how to pray during hard times. The first lesson is: Express yourself. Don't be afraid to complain. God already knows, so you're just being honest and authentic with God.

We also learned that God doesn't always answer prayer the way we'd like, expect or hope. When I was a camp counselor, I heard a pastor say, "God ALWAYS answers prayer. Sometimes it's yes, sometimes it's no, and sometime's, it's WAIT." Waiting sucks, to be sure.

Anyhow, during yesterday's sermon, our pastor cautioned us, "Never pray for patience!" :) Meaning that God's way of building our character is to make us "earn" those attributes and work for them. Typically you don't wake up one day with a huge amount of patience. You learn patience by dealing with trying situations.

I've been suspecting that with regards to finances, God works the same way. I've been praying that God will make me more responsible with money, and will help relieve our financial burdens. I had hoped that would mean winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money from some study I didn't know about or making my crafty business a huge overnight success.

Instead, we have the added pressure of losing money on our rental home that we can't sell b/c the market in FL sucks. Then the a/c in the rental home isn't running efficiently and the tenants are displeased--there goes over $4000 at last count. Then I broke our dining room table glass cleaning it this morning. What's next, God?? Huh?? I'm so frustrated. I'm a bookaholic, and instead of buying books (I can't remember a month ever going by where we didn't spend at least $50 on books) I've been using the library. I haven't had a haircut and highlight since May. I haven't bought new clothes for self, and the kids are wearing handme downs and consignment shop bargains. I'm sewing. We cloth diaper. We don't have cable or satellite television--just DVDs we already own and we subscribe (for $12/month) to blockbuster online. We are renting a home currently because we don't want additional expenses of home renovation/plumbing problems/etc. I haven't been to the optometrist yet to get more contacts so I'm stretching out the ones I have as long as I can. So is Terry.

We're not eating out nearly as much. Cereal, oatmeal or pancakes for breakfast, spaghetti or grilled cheese for lunch, and a homemade dinner. I'm baking bread in the bread machine (bought years ago at a garage sale for $5) instead of buying loaves. I'm simplifying, Dammit! I AM!!!  We had hoped when we moved to Utah that we'd be able to fly back to FL every few months. Many unforeseen expenses have popped up alone the way, and I just don't think it's EVER going to happen now.

And we're still losing money every month!! How long can this go on? Our savings is dwindling and I Feel so hopeless. How long, Lord? How long will be too long???