Vacation?

My family (parents and sister, sans brother) went on vacation in North Carolina, and our cabin had no cable/satellite for tv or internet. My dad was a basket case--talk about television addiction! That's precisely why Terry and I choose not to subscribe to cable or satellite. All we have are videos. My dad talked to the kids and actually played card games with us, instead of staring at the tv for hours on end. It was quite nice. For a while. It turns out my father has no idea how to talk to children--my children always think he's mad at them b/c he speaks loudly and just gives orders instead of reasons. For example, instead of gently saying, "could you please move here," Dad says, "Get off the couch!" which scares them. So now my 2 year old son hits my dad everytime he walks by, either with his hand or with his blanket. Which pisses dad off to no end. They're both two stubborn males, glaring at each other whenever my father is home. Fabulous.

So now I'm here at my parents' house, trying to get along. My mom is very worried (in an OCD manner) about the house staying clean. Plus she is caring for my grandfather, her dad, during the days until his wife recovers from a recent surgery. My sister thinks we all owe her because she has a college scholarship, therefore she is entitled to everything. (Apparently, my degree, college and scholarships don't hold up the way hers do) Like: the bedroom that we shared (I was told when you go to college, it's not your room anymore, but apparently that rule only applies to me!) so my daughter is in the top bunk bed, my sis has "her" bed--it's a double on under my Grace's--AJ is sleeping on the floor next to my parents' bed (it's actually on the dog bed, but he seems quite happy, and their dog doesn't sleep in it anyways), and I get a cot by the front door, so when my dad leaves the house at 6:30, I get a nice wake up call. I can only use my brother's computer, not connected to a printer, even though there are two laptops, apparently holding top secret classified information. So I'm scribbling from allrecipes.com because cooking is the one thing I do well in my parents' eyes. Tell me again why I decided to stay here until July 31???? And carless???? I so miss my van--it's always been a symbol of freedom to me, because I didn't have a car until after DH and I were married and we bought one for me together.

You see, my parents, uber possession oriented, are quite reluctant to let me borrow their extra car. Apparently Princess Sister might need it to go to work (I never had a car--I had someone drop me off at work, or walked. . .which she could do. . . ) and I've been afraid to ask directly because I feel like I can't take any more rejection from them than I already have. . not recently, but accumulated over the years? I've made plans to lunch with a friend across town Tuesday, and I'm wondering how to get there. And I'm going to visit another friend on thursday and friday, who lives about 2 hours away. I suspect I'm going to have to rent a car. Even though their car would be safer with me, as I'm a better driver than dear sister, who I watched plow through a pedestrian walkway and cut off a bicycle the other day, plus run FOUR red lights down Highway 50.

My brother says it's funny how everything just stays the same. And he's right. I was hoping it would somehow be different--I'd be more mature, they'd be more understanding--but somehow, we've slipped right back into our old roles. Except I'm trying to be a mom to my children and a daughter to my parents and the roles don't seem to support each other. I want so desperately for this summer to heal some old wounds. Perhaps they can't heal until the scab is picked off, causing pain to bring about wholeness?