Fearless Birth

I decided to send in my VBAC story to Kelly, of Fearless Birth. She has a great blog regarding VBACs and birthing in general. She's collecting VBAC stories, and since I have one, I submitted it to her. It's long, but I wanted to include details!!! :) Here it is:

I suppose my VBAC story begins with the unplanned "emergency" Cesarean section of my daughter, Grace. I had a doctor whom I trusted implicitly, and I delivered at a certified “baby-friendly” hospital with a beautiful view of a Florida river. I went to my normal doctor appointment that morning, knowing that I was in labor.  My doctor confirmed that I was at 5cm, 90% effaced and sent me straight to the hospital.

There, the doctor broke my water to discover some meconium in the fluid. I was given an IV for fluids and “just in case.” A few hours later, my labor had not progressed. The nursing staff convinced me that an epidural would kick in immediately and be perfectly safe.  The epidural did not “take”, and the anesthesiologist, on his way out of town finishing his shift, did not believe me.

My doctor came back in and told me that I had not progressed since 10am, and was still stuck at 5cm. He informed me I had to have a Cesarean section. I cried and said, “I don’t want a Cesarean!! There must be something else we can do!”  My husband asked if there was another way to deliver a healthy baby. The doctor insisted there was no other way.

My baby was cut out of me after 5 tries for an epidural to finally work.  I did not get to hold her right away, and got a small glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye before the doctors whisked her off to observation. I was given medication to make me sleepy, and awakened alone in a bed in a dark, strange room, with no ability to sit up, walk or even reach a nurse. I wondered if I had died. I don’t know how long I sat in the dark, scared and confused, until finally I heard footsteps in the hall and called out for help. Someone summoned a nurse, who plugged my bed back in.

 Later, I read my operative record and noticed that the doctor said my husband and I had reviewed the risks of a Cesarean and had “elected” to have it. I was so angry! I decided that I did not want to go through that again. I hated being unable to lift my baby or walk or breastfeed in certain positions without pain for several weeks after the delivery. I hated that my precious baby had a small cut behind her ear from the scalpel’s incision in my womb.

I wanted a memory of pushing her out and holding her and nursing her. That was stolen from me, in much the same manner she was taken from my womb.

So, upon learning that I was pregnant almost 2 years later, I began to research my options. I knew that I wanted a large family, and that Cesarean sections were often dangerous and risky, especially past four children. I was uncomfortable with a medical procedure determining the size of my family. I considered the pain I still experienced in my abdomen when I hunched over, as a probable result of scar tissue. I thought about how difficult it would be to care for both my two year old and my newborn after a Cesarean section. I told my new doctor that I was concerned about iatrogenic prematurity and had no desire to schedule a Cesarean. The doctor told me that I could go into labor naturally and then have the Cesarean.

Learning that there were other possible options, rather than just blindly succumbing to a scheduled Cesarean section, empowered me.  I asked my doctor about my chances for a VBAC.  I spoke with medical professionals who encouraged me to pursue a VBAC. I researched online, and found a forum for mothers planning VBACs. He asked me to do research concerning the pros and cons of that choice. I showed up at my next appointment armed with statistics, testimonies, and my desire to have a baby naturally. The doctor steamrolled over me and lectured me on chances being slim, due to the hospital’s policies regarding operating rooms, anesthesiologists and other dangerous conditions in case of an emergency.

I called every obstetrical office in my county, and finally found one practice, 45 minutes away, that would gladly deliver VBAC babies. My husband and I hired a doula, remembering the trauma of me being left alone after the Cesarean section. We agreed that my husband would stay with the baby in case of a problem, and the doula would stay with me. We also felt that hiring her would show the doctors and hospital staff that we were extremely serious about having a natural birth. I had ready many books on labor and delivery, practiced relaxation techniques and prayed daily for my new baby.

As my “due date” came and went, my doctors were concerned. I knew that my baby and I had the right to wait as long as it took, up to at least 42 weeks. My doctors felt that they could not safely induce me, and I agreed.

Finally, 9 days past my due date, labor began. I was feeling hard contractions every three minutes, and after several hours of this, decided it was time to go to the hospital. We got there feeling confident that I would be at least 5 cm dilated. Imagine my shock when I was barely dilated 1 mm! I was “overdue” with this baby and the contractions were very difficult to focus through.

 The hospital admitted me, and thus began the birth of my son. I was given an IV for fluids, and my arm began stinging and swelling up. Apparently, the IV was “blown.” A member of the IV team was sent up to correct the problem. Every time a contraction hit, I breathed in and out deeply, using techniques that were natural to me, thanks to years of musical instruction (singing and playing French horn). I walked around the maternity ward, and spent much time in the shower, letting the warm water soothe my back and comfort me. I wanted to use the hospital’s Jacuzzi, but for some reason, my doctor would not consent to that.

Twenty four hours of hard contractions later, I was tired. My doctor suggested giving me an histamine shot to help me rest. I agreed. It proved ineffectual—making me drowsy enough to want to sleep, but taking away my power to focus and breathe through contractions. An hour later, I was in tears, defeated. I could not go on like that any longer, and I was still only 1-2 cm dilated. I couldn’t imagine another minute of this. My doula, a natural childbirth advocate, agreed that I needed relief.

I told my doctor that I needed an epidural. He reminded me that this was not in my birth plan. I replied that my birth plan had not included over 24 hours of feeling hard contractions without hitting “active” labor. I told him, “Either give me the epidural or do a Cesarean. I cannot go on.” My doctor suggested an AROM (Artificial rupture of membranes) before the epidural, concerned that the epidural would slow labor down or stop it completely. I refused. I told him I could not handle another procedure, exam or contraction. I was ready for the epidural, regardless of the consequences.

An anesthesiologist was sent up quickly. I remember a nurse holding my shoulders still, and focusing on her colorful shirt while the long needle went in my back. She had flying pigs all over it, and it struck me as just the comic relief and distraction I needed. The epidural worked immediately, and I could have kissed the anesthesiologist.

I reclined and rested my eyes. Finally, I had a moment to relax. I was given a balloon catheter in my cervical opening to slowly help me dilate. Eight hours later, I woke up to 10cm dilation, with the epidural beginning to wear off and feeling ready to push.  I felt pressure with each contraction, pushed for 52 minutes and then held--with my own two arms--my beautiful, healthy 9lb 9oz baby boy.

I breastfed my new baby as soon as he was weighed, and felt joyous. I got up and danced to the bathroom, just because I could. I had triumphed over not only a previous Cesarean section, but also over reluctant doctors and hospitals afraid of liability regarding VBACs, and over a stalled labor. Pushing my son out was the most empowering moment I ever experienced.

Later, my doctor told me that had he realized how big my son was, he would have pressured me more to have a Cesarean section. I responded, “I’m so glad you did not know!” My doctor also suggested that my original contractions were painful due to scar tissue from my Cesarean, and should not have been noticeable to me in a “normal” situation.

If I have a third child, I plan to remain home as long as possible. I would even consider a birthing center, or a home birth. I feel that something as seemingly innocuous as the initial IV could cause me to feel stress. I want to remain in a calm, comfortable place and remember the triumph of my VBAC son and the joy of motherhood.